qing bites

8:56 PM

Saturday, November 17, 2007

it just feels like i don't even know myself anymore :(

i used to be at least average-looking. now i'm plain fug.
i used to be fit and healthy. now i'm a train-wreck and fat like britney.
i used to be smart (or at least i think so) and now i'm scared i'll get retained.
i used to have money. now i'm poor.

darling. i guess what i really want is to have those and have them with you.
make my wish come true? :)

qing bites

4:01 AM

Friday, November 16, 2007

so moody.
so very moody.

and i can't even put a finger on it.
:(

qing bites

3:28 AM

Thursday, November 15, 2007

darling...

it's pouring outside and i'm home clutching onto my tummy.
working on my stuff and your text says you have training tonight and that you can't wait to start tuition.

i heartache. yet at the same time i am encouraged to work hard with you :)

your blog, your emails, your words. they soothe and comfort me when i'm feeling moody.
anyway, i found this poem on ma jiajia (LOL!) blog, it's quite a beautiful poem:

wings of a delicate new born.
undefined and brittle.

i've learnt to be here all my life,
i've grown used to in this comfort,
and i refuse to leave.

dont force me out in the open,
dont let me fall to the ground,
i belong under the shade,
in this comfort.

dont ask me to learn,
without even teaching,
not a single guide,
nor any direction.

i've been thrown out,
and i'm falling
nothing to catch my fall
as i'm learning

my wings are spreading,
i am flying
i'm growing use to this.

wings of an adult,
strong and durable

I LOVE YOU PRECIOUS QING!
:)

qing bites

6:59 PM

baby i know you're tired.
and that when you're with me.
you always try your best to make me smile.
even if it means to hide your pain.
to push away all the stress factors.
neglecting your studies.
and try to laugh and smile ):
when it's least likely for you to.

what if i tell you i really want to spend every breathing moment with you?
and that feeling will take very very darn long to go away cos for the past year.
i've been dreaming about these whole 13 days every single night.

give me a bit of time to adjust back to the working lifestyle please?
then i'll give you enough space and time to get your hectic life sorted and only be around when you truly truly need me?

i appreciate everything you've done for me.
this nice room so near from you.
the pretty princessy bedsheet.
the lilac wardrobe that's full of falling surprises (:
the sleek cool furniture we pieced up together.(:
my cute squidball shirt! it's amazing how you know exactly what kind of shirts i like (:

and thanks for journeying all the way to me on sunday, forgoing your sleep.
yeah you said you slept real well, but i know if you're to not wake up to just come rollroll with me you'll have better rest.
baby i'll go try the magical silicon gel pillow tonight (:

there's so much i want you to have.
but right now i feel useless and penniless):
i want to make you smile and laugh all the time,
with nothing on your mind.

i'll work REAL REAL hard.
and try to sync my life up with yours.
like when you're having school i'll be working
when you're having tuition i'll be having tuition too.
then we roll on the same day!
on the same bed.

cancan? (:

hugs.
ilu baby

qing bites

4:11 AM

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

i am tired. awfully tired.

sometimes it just seems like no one can help me. and that i'm all alone. knee deep in my troubles.
i'm always alone buried in all my troubles.

busy. when keeping yourself busy is no longer a distraction to stop yourself from suicide,
but it manifests into a form of slow death itself.

i'm a slave. for you.

qing bites

4:20 AM

Monday, November 12, 2007

hello baby (:
you should be fast asleep now.
it hurts me alot to see you sulk.
or get grouchy cos you're not getting enough rest...

hmm
but anyways i'll get to see you in around 8hrs!

thanks so much for coming over early in the morning to fall asleep with me.
bringing in pillow and so many many things!
hmm, where's the air revitalizer???
hahaha!
dont need la so dont bother ok? i believe that cleanliness is the only way to clean air!
we'll find your east pak bag soon!
just keep finding i guess? (:
and i'll keep a look out for it too!

gosh. this table is really nice to use (:
but i think it's a bit too high, i know la i'm the one who wanted this one. cos it's 5cm higher than the other one... but you know it's really much useful?
like 2 levels.
i'll go get a.
ok i know i'm very mean but i'm sitting on frank now ):
poor hippo.
will prolly find the extension and 2 pin plug adapter tomorrow.
then you can come over to study everyday!
if you want.
(:
doris likes you alot.
(:
ok i think i better go sleep now.
HUGHUGS LOVE!

ilu.
kisses.

qing bites

5:08 AM

Thursday, November 8, 2007

baby you must be in pain now ):
so poor thing)):
darling sorry ok? i feel like a asshole now.
you told me there's blood in your shit and i laugh it off. )))):
now i feel so so guilty.
think we haven't been eating enough veggie and fruits.
from tomorrow on,
i'll remind you to
1) !! very important! reach woodlands by 9pm latest so you wont be late for your curfew!
2) eat healthy good food, fast food is only once a week! fruits is a must everyday!
3) stop splurging so much money! meaning i'll start bringing bottled water out! darling we dont spend so much on drinks already ok?
!!) call shu uemura to book your eyebrows!
4) spend at least 2 hrs mugging everyday!
5) get your community service done asap!

6) i'll go to all the m1 starhub singtel place to look for job now!

my report book still with you!


baby you know for these few days, you really made me feel like the luckiest person alive? (:
i smile and giggle for no reasons at all when i'm alone sometimes just at the thought of us together, again.
clinging onto you everywhere i go, kissing you almost every 10 steps we take, hugging you at every opportunity, baby will you find me too clingy? -scared

and darling!!!
i will never not want you at all!!!
the 10pm curfew is ok for me, you know when i was in sec 4 my curfew was 930?
so it's perfectly fine!! ((:
just that, it'll be so great if you can be mine for a night or two every week,
then we can hold hands and sleep, rollroll on bed, listen to stupid songs and drift off, or just stare at each other and be very contented!
and shake shake if you have the mood! -shyshy

eeeyer, i'm too shy to continue,
baby try to rest early if you can, we'll come home early tomorrow!
love!

qing bites

4:30 AM

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

hughug precious! :D

lol! such a small world! it's like you're destined to be with me!
if not how can you travel so far away from your hometown to come to me...
and even came from the same pri sch as the nice boy who helps me with schoolwork?!

all the more i must cherish you, coz you're special to me :)

darling...
let go of the bad past, don't be sad thinking about it ok?
listen to your heart and you will know that i love only you, and my love has never wavered.
if not let my actions speak for themselves, i let all that i do for you be done out of love.

.... if not you just ask yoke hwee lo -.-''' even he knows!

i am so multi-tasking. you're on msn with me, i'm blogging, and...
I ACTUALLY HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED ON MY CALCULATIONS. -.-''

lol!

darling!!! thurs and we get our rings back! must protect it from your parents ok? (if you do ever meet up with them)

such pure bliss ;D
2 years alr and i still feel the same passion whenever i see you.
darling, you're just plain irresistible! (and cute!)

i love you, precious qing. :))

qing bites

4:32 AM

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

hello precious.
you're prolly sleeping now.
hope you'll feel better.
been staring at you through the cab journey home.
you look, so serene, but at the same time my heart aches.
you're always telling me it's nothing to do with me, just you're not managing your time properly and not getting enough rest.

i'll stick to my words, we'll be logical and rationale ok?
no more late nights, or impulsive acts, or over spending, or binge eating.
(:
healthy diet and healthy lifestyle! (:

hmm, baby do you know i was really really tempted to get you to come over to sleep in with me tomorrow morning? since you've already taken a sickie.
and then i'll have you for the whole dayyy!!!!!!!!
it's the i can never get enough of you feeling.
every tiny bit of you, every second spent with you(:
i've always hated myself for leaving, hated that one decision, hated the distance between us,
but somehow, it's also taught me to cherish you more.

no, if you ask me if i could turn back time to make the choice again, i'll never have left.
too costly a price to pay for learning that important bit.

darling, i'm scared, scared you'll want to spend more time with me cos i'm always so needy, then you'll neglect your studies cos you think it'll be fine since you only want a life with me,
then when it screw up everyone will be drilling the idea of us destroying each other into you.
and you'll want a break up like the 10mile junction incident.
no more. please?

we'll just be very good kids.
and do what we should be doing.

i'll always remember the weekend (:
you coming to me wearing your black nike shirt.
show me to my cosy room. stocked with goodies ((: i love
me getting to hug you so tight again, feeling more real than anything else,
not like in the dreams where everything disappears right after we're about to kiss. every single time.

saturday morning you rushing to me with everything i need and more.
pushing you to the ground and you throwing me to the wall. almost (:
bedding you. (almost almost)
to be able to stare at you so so close again, on bed.
kissing you and secretly peep at you once in a while x)
reluctance to leave the bed.
holding hands again waiting for lift.
taking the mrt with you from admiralty,
advancing to the reflective surface place,
going through your song list to find sad songs which brings nostalgia.
where'd you go.
here without you.
only to really cry when i come across a song so unexpected.
turning away cos i know i dont really have a right to cry.
heck it it's over and i love you.(:
plaza sing toilet.(:
where we had sex.
where we fought.
where i said the most insane thing that i cant imagine i could. still. it's hurt you, and i hate myself for saying those. baby to me, you're perfect, wasn't so at first, but as time goes, i know you're the only one for me.

and then running to cathay ((:
your umbrella so cute i love(:
can we go watch a movie there please?
they have the big big popcorn? no?
then we go lido buy and smuggle in ok?

then you brought me to vivocity!!!!:D:D
hahaha, i really do feel like an idiotic tourist.
if you want a toy poodle, i'll insist on a schnauzer. then we'll have both, eventually. ok?

hmm,

sunday you looked so tired. ):
i better go sleep soon interview tomorrow. (:

hope i'll find a job soon so i wont bother you so much baby.
hugs!

ilu.

text u night now!

fall asleep holding hands with me soon darling.

qing bites

4:08 AM

Monday, November 5, 2007

hello darling! *hughugs!

i hope you were at least a little happy today.
it hurts like hell when i see you looking forlorn and sadd :((
cheer up baby? i'm yours for the rest of our life together! :D
and 5 years is very fast! then it'll be me driving you around in akl! *excited

can i be very random darling?
for some reason i feel like beating the shit out of lard.
esp at times when you look very sadd.

can i beat her up the day before we leave for akl?
i don't care! i will i must and i definitely will!!!

suddenly very angry. this is not good. i go shower now darling, then kiss u night! :)

qing bites

3:05 AM

Sunday, November 4, 2007

hello precious,
you should be doing your homework now,
sorry ok?
for keeping you out until so late,

hope you wont get into any trouble with anyone,
do you find me indecisive? i think i am,
but i really dont know what's the best for us now,
and i think you've been doing great,
so just go for what you think will be the best for us ok?

i feel so extremely close to you still,
and everywhere, on bus on train on cabs walking eating stone-ing,
when i look at you, it feels like i'm doing something i dont deserve,
it's like stealing, like illegal trespassing,
either that, or
i'll feel like everything's just out of a real great stimulated dream.

it's nothing bad i guess?
(:

and i'm so so so not going to pick a fight with you anymore,
nobody nothing's going to come in between us,
you and i, that's what that matters,
anything else is no within what i care or rather could care.(:

there are instances when i really want to cry just looking at you?
that'll just bring back things we both dont want to talk about.
i dont want to talk about it, but trust me it haunts my every living moment.
it's not about you, like you've said, some things, it makes you feel like you cant live with yourself.


darling jtrust me,
i've made up my mind long long time ago.
way before i quit school that my life will be entirely about us, about you.

i will be with you forever,
we'll get you nice eye gel ok?
(:
and let's work out soon? ((:

promise me you'll come over next weekend in the morning to snuggle in bed with me?
please? if you're busy it's fine, i'll come find you!! (:

i'm really looking forward to that(:
hugs baby.

you made my night then made my day.
that 1.5hr was more than enough to keep me smiling through the night,
and today was just so amazing,

darling the last thing you can be associated with is being boring la!
i think i am ):
i dont know how to row boat
or beach volleyball,
or basketball ):

want me still?

night baby. ilu
i call you now!

qing bites

5:06 AM

Saturday, November 3, 2007

welcome back precious baby love! :D

HUGHUGS!

ignore the letter pls. lol. it was meant to be a welcome back card! but they have all types of cards... just not the welcome back type.

did i mention i love you so much? :)

hope you can get used to your new room. rest well baby...
countdown to my end of probation! then it's graduation, and auckland in no time!

<3

qing bites

3:34 AM